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eBook Having It Both Ways ePub

eBook Having It Both Ways ePub

by Elaine Denholtz

  • ISBN: 0812828194
  • Category: Psychology
  • Subcategory: Medicine
  • Author: Elaine Denholtz
  • Language: English
  • Publisher: Stein & Day Pub; First Edition edition (October 1, 1981)
  • Pages: 239
  • ePub book: 1186 kb
  • Fb2 book: 1342 kb
  • Other: doc lit txt docx
  • Rating: 4.7
  • Votes: 750

Description

Having It Both Ways is the first book to reveal why one out of every three middle-class American wives takes a lover. Author Bio: Elaine Denholtz is an award-winning O'Neill playwright with plays produced across the country.

Having It Both Ways is the first book to reveal why one out of every three middle-class American wives takes a lover. The secret lives of married women are told in anecdotes and direct quotes by an award-winning author on the English faculty of Fairleigh Dickinson University. Named to the New Jersey Literary Hall of Fame and Phi Beta Kappa, she teaches at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her groundbreaking books catapulted her onto the TV talk show circuit and she is the author of screenplays and documentary films.

AUTHOR: Elaine Denholtz has interviewed 100 cheating women and has gotten them to talk openly about why . Perhaps the sex for some is just a way of keeping the mentoring going

AUTHOR: Elaine Denholtz has interviewed 100 cheating women and has gotten them to talk openly about why and about the effects. She has learned that one in three wives cheats on her husband. Perhaps the sex for some is just a way of keeping the mentoring going. CHILDREN AND PRIORITY: If the couple puts their children's needs first, that can easily erase the parents' relationship as romantic lovers.

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The first book to reveal why one out of every three middle-class American wives takes a lover. Having It Both Ways : Married Women with Lovers. by Elaine Grudin Denholtz.

a report on married women with lovers.

Having it both ways Close. 1 2 3 4 5. Want to Read. Are you sure you want to remove Having it both ways from your list? Having it both ways. a report on married women with lovers. Published 1981 by Stein and Day in New York.

This John Freely has provided, though not a great deal more. Reuse this content The Trust Project. Born in 1626 into a prosperous commercial family in Izmir, Sevi exhibited at an early stage the pathology and genius on which his messiahhood would rest. More from Books and arts. The ironies of revolution A love affair with liberal democracy that soured. Glass half-empty It takes four good things to overcome one bad thing. Mad in craft The psychologist who pretended to be insane.

Elaine Grudin Denholtz is an award-winning journalist, playwright, screenwriter, and the author of Having It Both Ways: A Report on Married Women with Lovers and Balancing Work and Love: Jewish Women Facing the Family/Career Challenge, among other books

Elaine Grudin Denholtz is an award-winning journalist, playwright, screenwriter, and the author of Having It Both Ways: A Report on Married Women with Lovers and Balancing Work and Love: Jewish Women Facing the Family/Career Challenge, among other books. A member of Phi Beta Kappa and The New Jersey Literary Hall of Fame, she teaches at Fairleigh Dickinson University.

Elaine Denholtz has written: 'The Extra Parent'. Balancing work & love' - subject(s): Jewish families, Jews, Social conditions, Work and family, Working mothers. Elaine Wander has written: 'The paintings of Elaine Wander'. Asked in Authors, Poets, and Playwrights

Elaine Denholtz has written: 'The Extra Parent'. Asked in Authors, Poets, and Playwrights. What has the author Elaine Kraf written? Elaine Kraf has written: 'Find him!' Asked in Authors, Poets, and Playwrights. What has the author Elaine Castle written?

Chapter 16. Next . Can't Have It Both Ways! . Hermione having to give him a push when his name came out that goblet, then every face in the hall staring at him, the one that stood out more than any other though was Cho.

Chapter 16. Can't Have It Both Ways! A/N If you are forced to participate in a competition that's reserved for adults only, doesn't that mean you should be considered an adult? Harry gets some much needed help and advice before having some fun by allowing his marauder heritage out to play.

Interviews with more than one hundred working women, housewives, and young and older mothers reveal the motivations, needs, joys, and pains of married women who take lovers and the effects on their families

Comments

Darksinger Darksinger
Bought this book at a low used price and was helpful in my personal women infidelity research. Of course the author is biased to women and doesn't scorn any of them for their actions. I suppose women wouldn't want to be interviewed with anybody if they were going to be criticized. However reading the interviews is where you can really pick up on women infidelity clues for men. The author does mention in her introduction that she heard one particular theme regularly and that's Wives who took lovers felt entitled to it. I agree with the author but there were also other constant themes as well among the cheating wives and that is they didn't feel guilt, they were serial cheaters with multiple lovers, all the women planned their affairs and where not unexpected from a fit of passion and none of them read or followed the bible.

This is a book that took three years to produce by tape recording a 100 women sharing their true infidelity stories. The author chose 10 out of the 100 interviews to share in the book because these 10 represent most typical motivations she kept hearing in the interviews. The author changed names, locations, and occupations but put everything else said by the women on paper.

From my own research Ive learned that selfishness leads to narcissism which leads to taboo mental thrill sex which leads to bisexuality. It would be interesting to find a book were women discussed their sexual experiences growing up. For example when women first started having sex they probably had intercourse at home while her parents were away, then out in a car where people could see, then in a few public places with the thrill of being caught or seen, then some bisexual experiences before marriage, but once married the mental thrill of sex faded so then the wife goes for the taboo thrill sex of adultery. Of course this adultery thrill sex with their lover fades away once she is divorced from her husband and so the relationships with their lovers rarely work out. Then the women turn to bisexuality but the woman needs a man to pay for extra things she wants so she gets man and messes around on him with both women and men.

The women stay committed to the man as long as he can financially spoil her or until she finds a lover who can financially spoil her more. So regardless of the kids, being a good father, or love from the husband there is no commitment from a narcissist woman. The relationship to her is a relationship of convenience where she continues to cheat on the man. On pg 47 Ellen discovered that her mind was her most erogenous zone. By stimulating her mind, he aroused her sexually and released her capacity for passion. Ellen was a woman who had everything: a warm and loving husband, two fine children, a beautiful home, money, status, health, youth but it simply was never enough. On pg 48 Ellen's affair with Richard spelled the end of her comfortable marriage. From that moment on, I wasn't the same contented little suburban housewife. From the moment Richard came into my life the marriage was doomed. Narcissist are master blamer and love to play victims for sympathy. On pg 48 To Ellen's credit, she does not blame the demise of her marriage solely on her husband. She recognizes that the crisis of losing her daughter did not bring them closer. Notice that even though her affairs were planned she did not nor the author blame the affair on the cheating woman. Even the society propaganda pro woman matrix defends cheating women with side track excuses like on pg 55 Depression is much more common among women than it is among men. Is it because women have a greater need for intimacy? Talk about sympathy for the devil. Here is a book about selfish women who cheat around and do not emotionally get attached or committed to any man and the author wants to say women have a greater need for intimacy. Women mental problems could be a result for all the bad things these women are doing. Look at selfish men prisoners who disregard society rules and blame others and you will see men with lots of depression and mental problems as well.

In short a good book with lots of women interviews to read.

Guys if you are researching women infidelity and what makes women cheat then please look at my amazon review for the book Women Infidelity 2 by Michelle Langley. In that review I list a lot of helpful books and sources that are inexpensive.
Shazel Shazel
Elaine Denholtz
Having It Both Ways:
Married Women with Lovers

(Briarcliff Manor, NY: Stein & Day, 1981) 239 pages

Conventional married women having affairs because of problems
in their marriages (some of which ended in divorce)
and because of other personal needs such as:
companionship and communication; ego enhancement;
desire for more and better sex; boredom with mates;
personal crises; changing needs.
They tried their best to keep their affairs secret.
Frequently their husbands were also having affairs.

If you would like to find more positive ideas about such matters,
search the Internet for this bibliography:
"Multiple Loving Bibliography".

James Leonard Park, author of
New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships
Vizil Vizil
Read up guys if you might like to keep your wife out of another guy's bed and possibly avoid a decade of anguish. (Note: I read the, unlinked, 1981 edition)

AUTHOR: Elaine Denholtz has interviewed 100 cheating women and has gotten them to talk openly about why and about the effects. She has learned that one in three wives cheats on her husband. And she seems to state her case well and to have achieved balance and professionalism in her book by, "sounding off, mulling over and conceptualizing" with psychologists, social workers, physicians, authors, therapists, psychiatrists, teachers, counselors, colleagues, family and friends. While some of the frankness relayed might seem to promote infidelity, balance is maintained as the drawbacks are explained. The 4-page index and the 4-page bibliography are helpful. This was 1981, but I suspect that the main issues live on.

GENERAL PROFILE OF ONE WHO CHEATS: guilt-free; not religious, high-energy; attractive; working outside the home; 30's-40's (at the outset); middle class; psychologically normal; raised consciousness; takes charge; exploits familiar situations and "good" timing; respectable in community; considerate of husband and children; practical; a risk-taker; not easily swept off her feet; excited by "forbidden fruit"; hungry to give and receive good love; tends toward emotional involvement.

***PROBLEMS AND INTENTIONS***

ENVIRONMENT AND INITIATION: Beginning in childhood, women are now in a more sexualized environment in which the restrictions on pleasure are no longer rigidly enforced. "Even children's sexuality is on display. Commercials for status jeans for children use explicit sexual references."

WORK VS. NOVELTY: For some there is a basic incompatibility between the work of sustaining a marriage and family and "that terrific romantic feeling of walking on clouds" that one may feel early in her married years or during a love affair with someone who is not shouldering marriage and family responsibilities for her.

DEPRIVATION: Ask the monkeys or the prisoners - deprived of species contact they deteriorate. Same thing can happen to your wife if you effectively abandon her for education, career, volunteerism, spirituality, recreation, entertainment - whatever. No matter if you think that everything you do is for the social and economic well-being of her and your family, if that one-on-one contact with your wife is not her-oriented, is not of high quality and is not frequent and of significant duration, she may run in desperation to another man for these comforts and stimulations.

CRISES: For many women an overwhelming crisis heralds their first love affair. I wonder whether it sometimes isn't just the complex problems that often confront families (child care, physical health, mental health, economics, education, socializing, in-laws, jobs, teamworking...). Perhaps an accumulation of these problems can produce a crisis if, for example the husband is too tired/unable/disbelieving/combative/disinclined/absent to brainstorm with his wife. She may just need someone who actually understands or seeks to understand her problems and is willing to discuss them. Perhaps the sex for some is just a way of keeping the mentoring going. Warren Bennis seems to describe an analog in his book, On Becoming a Leader, as he relates how industry leaders accept mentoring in order to tackle complex problems.

CHILDREN AND PRIORITY: If the couple puts their children's needs first, that can easily erase the parents' relationship as romantic lovers.

JEALOUSY WITHIN THE FAMILY: When a husband is overly solicitous to an adolescent daughter who is just realizing her own sexuality, that may combine with poor parenting teamwork, in the case of problem children and adolescents, to trigger an affair.

SEX AND JOB STATUS: In discussing women who trade sex for job power the author is surprisingly objective.

FUN: A small number insist that their love affairs are just for fun and that they have no problems at home.

***RESPONSES***

COPING: Most wives cope with each problem as it comes up. Others may break down physically or emotionally, or turn to alcohol, or run, or start divorce proceedings. Still others may opt to continue the marriage, but with a lover on the side. For some "It's easier to solve the marital crisis by having a lover than trying to fix up the relationship with your husband." Some expressed that their love affairs improved their relationships with their husbands, children and coworkers, as they had been brought out of depression.

CHOICE OF LOVER: (quoting an interviewee, and then the author) "If they are not married they are not worth having." "Some will specifically exclude an affair with a married man who is unhappy."

NETWORKING: Women tend to recognize when each other are having affairs and may tend to cover for each other.

OPEN MARRIAGE: Dr. Shirley Zussman, VP of the American Assn of Sex Educators, Counsellors and Therapists, claims that she has never seen an "open marriage" (no secrets) that worked. She considers it not to be a viable lifestyle.

***EFFECTS***

THERAPY (Interviewees): "...a new romance works better than penicillin." "A new man is a sure-fire aphrodisiac." "...better than a psychiatrist."

CHILDREN AND EFFECTS: "...the children suffer. They're losing part of their mother's concentration...No matter how hard she tries, her thoughts are on her lover... (However) I felt no guilt about my husband...."

MORALITY: They tend to feel that their (well-managed) love affairs are less damaging to their families than divorce, abandonment, economic exploitation or even their own depression.

GUILT (Journalist): A woman's guilt "appears to decline in direction proportion to her level of fulfillment and satisfaction with `outside sex.'"

REGRET: "Married women who have had an affair, however much they get caught in the crossfire of their conscience and their needs, very rarely regret it..."

ENTITLEMENT: Women "are beginning to assume the same unsaid rights that men have long assumed." Desperation, boredom and longing may have motivated her affair, but she tends to relate that she deserved it.

***CONCLUSION***

"When there is an abundance of love and respect in a marriage, sexual fidelity is no sacrifice."

This review in its necessary sketchiness cannot do justice to the book. Do read it!

Bill Norwood