eBook Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption ePub

As the parent of an internatiionally adopted child who we adopted when he was older, this book really struck home with me. Like the author, I had also experienced the overwhelming desire to have a child and after giving birth to one child, I had emergency surgery that meant that adoption would be the only option for having more children.

I found Theresa Reid's memoir to be refreshingly honest, not sugarcoating the realities of some international adoptions. I wish I'd read it before we adopted. We had a successful adoption but I would have been more aware of what we were about to face, the bureaucracies, the last minute changes in "required" paperwork, the concerns about adoption shutdowns in the particular country we were considering, etc. Reading this book might have lessened my anxieties and stress level.

Each of Reid's adoptive experiences was different, one being very easy and the other (with a different agency) being a nightmare of delays and tough choices. For those looking to find a book about international adoption that is very open about the difficulties of bringing a second child into a family which already has one child, Reid's experiences may provide insight about that.

For first time adoptive parents, I think the book could prepare them for what lies ahead while providing reassurance that both positive and negative feelings are a normal part of the adoptive process, including major fears and concerns about the whole adventure.

Reid's great strength as a writer is her willingness to be open about her guilt, ambivalence, fears and doubts...and to prove that successful adoptions can occur when those feelings are faced straight on.By the end of this book she has crossed through a series of crisises and come through with a deep love for her children and a stronger advocate for adoption.

It always strikes me that most memoirs about the adoption process feature the struggles of people who entered into the process blindly, innocently, and naively then were amazed at the difficulties they encountered. I suppose if one had thoroughly researched the process, thereby avoiding many of the known obstacles, the story would not be as interesting! In any case, Two Little Girls is no exception to the pattern of naive prospective parents, underhanded agencies, boggling setbacks. What is different about Two Little Girls is that the author recognizes her mistakes and makes no allowances for her lack of due diligance. She is refreshingly honest about the whole process, particularly the emotional aspects. She did a brilliant job of portraying the ambivilance and angst that go along with accepting/rejecting a referral, then bringing a fully formed little being into your life. It is no cake walk!

This is a great read for prospective adoptive parents as well as experienced veterans of the process. I loved the descriptions of some of the cultural differences encountered, especially the beauracracy. Oh, yes, it is a different world!

I read the book after reading all the reviews, so I was less shocked by the writer's selfishness. If I had not known ahead of time, I would have given it less stars. The reviews made the writer's behavior so outrageous, I actually bought the book to see if the reviews were true, and if I could understand her better.

Some things I did understand more after reading -- the gross focus on looks, she seemed to be trying to genuinely be bonding to a child, and she had so little to go on. It is hard to bond with an image. In the end, for the second girl, she took home a child that was not outwardly "beautiful", small, skinny, smelly, "stringy hair", malnourished in marginal health, and saw her inner beauty. I understand why she felt like she could not handle a child who would indefinitely suffer ill health, need life long care, or have chronic behavior/attachment issues, and turned down a child with congenital issues, which she did twice. One thing that made me have much more understanding towards her view is that she saw folks were flat out lied to, and given children with undisclosed lifelong issues that would affect their families forever. This made her and her husband understandably wary of any referral.

I don't get the whole girl thing, and this was never really clarified in the book why they did not seriously consider a boy, just a few words "we already have girl toys, and know how to raise girls" like in their vast resources they could not have bought some boy stuff. That bothered me.

The writer's attitude towards adotion in general, and feeling of those looking for birth moms and dads was very disturbing, and incredibly selfish.

She also did not get, on a fundamental level, how the role of the agencies is NOT to find the "hand selected" child just for a family, but to find a family for waiting children. I understand that SHE wanted to find just the right fit, the child meant just for them, but she was much too self absorbed to figure out that this was not the agency's goal. The agency thinks, these are the children that are needing home, who can we match, not OK, here are the kids, let's choose the Reid's daughter first, and if there is not a beautiful little two year old girl for them with blonde hair like their other daughter, whose character traits match exactly what they want in a little sister, we should have all these waiting kids on the back burner, and see what other searches shady deal can be made so we get there first should such a child become available. I cringed when I read Reid said to the agency director who gave them a lovely referral of a lovely 2 year old girl, "you see this just doesn't feel sqecial -- it doesn't feel like you qicked her just for us, like it did with first daughter". Like the money given the agency was not for actual fees associated with real costs, but to literally buy a child, and Reid is owed the same kind of service she would get at Nordstroms. And then Reid is shocked when this lady quits her job and doesn't tell her.
It also bothered me that the worth of the child that would be Lana is defined entirely on what kind of sister she would be to Natalie. I understanding wanting a close lifelong sib for your elder child, but that is just too much to live uq to!

She also doesn't get that her insistence on having the creme de la creme of waiting children does have an effect on other families. You insist on a girl and revel in being the favorite of the agency director? Then you wonder why there is no available girl for the family next to you who lost their toddler son to brain cancer, and wanted a daughter to avoid the feeling of reqlacement child syndrome? There are only so many healthy young children, only so many babes that have been the darling of the staff and gotten enough attention to avoid being damaged. "I want a child "like that" referring to adorable cared for girl tots she saw at a circus. OK, but there are a not a lot "like that". You might not be able get a child "like that" without steqqing over someone else. This does not mean you have to take a child with life long health issues, but some awareness would have gone a long way.

I do feel bad for the author about her whole "baby choosing" saga, though. What if I had had to "choose" my children? I might have used bizarre criteria like Reid seemed to. I would never have chosen a high strung football loving son yet that is what I got, and I love it all. How could I have missed it? And my quietly loyal, reserved, hard working teen age daughter? What would I do without her? Would I have known to "chose" her? Beyond Reid's self absorbed narrative, this is what sticks out at me. Being in a situation where you are forced to "choose" your own children brings your ugliest self, and all your insecurities and weakness as a qerson to light.

I too, found this book very difficult to put down. I found it very well written and profoundly honest. When making any criticisms of the author one should remember not to be judgmental; how many of us could have endured what she and her husband went through to adopt a child? I found her feelings to be sincere and I think many a mother could relate to what she said and how she felt: I know I did and I wouldn't call it being narcissistic but being a mother. The book read almost like a thriller and I had to keep reading to find out how it turned out. I recommend it highly and not just to prospective adopting parents.She told it like it was.

and how can that be so wrong?